If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
