This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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