i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
