I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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