I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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