I skipped work to stalk him.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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