I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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