im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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