They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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