i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
