Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
