My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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