I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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