woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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