6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
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just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
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Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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