Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
