She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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