We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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