I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
