my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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