We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
it's like iHOP with fire
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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