I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
