Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
