You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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