my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize