Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
