Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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