You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
