I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
