There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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