You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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