meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
