just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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