If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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