Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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