i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
