It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I love having hate sex.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Randomize
