Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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