Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
