Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
