You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize