i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
