you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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