I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
