worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
