i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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