Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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