i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
