The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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