i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
my liver is dry heaving
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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