I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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