There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
