He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
