I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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