I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
