I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
