Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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