Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
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Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
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I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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