three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
