i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
