I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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