my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Boobs are out for the taking
be right there i have to get my cape
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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