do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
