Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
