:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
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she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
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My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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