Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
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I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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