I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
