Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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