hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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