Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
