i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
