it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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