I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
