Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
