girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
