I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
