I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize