remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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