It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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