I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
