We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
